junko ruins everything
by SHSL Moron
Summary: hajime finds the meaning of life in a sandwich
1. junko vs logic

I've never seriously written anything serious in a serious manner

Seriously

Anyway here's some silly trainwreck spawned of a skype conversation and a wealth of free time. It's been a while since I played these games so personalities are slightly or completely off (what personalities, there's barely anything here). It's just a stupid slapping together of words anyway, don't read this trash.

* * *

"Now wait just a minute." Hajime stood up in the middle of breakfast to address all those that had bothered coming, except Nagito because fuck Nagito in the face with several thousand broom handles and an anvil. "Are you all seriously telling me no one notices _that_?" he asked, attempting to remain calm while, across the restaurant, Junko tore into a table with her teeth and proceeded to completely obliterate the rest with a large toy hammer.

Akane was the first to respond with a, "What are you on about, Hajime? Are you feelin' alright?", while outside, Nagito was beaten senseless by a pack of gophers.

Hajime was most certainly not feeling alright, because there was a girl eating furniture and no one was paying it any mind. In fact, he was feeling every way but alright. Nauseous, confused, mildly arou- irritated, but certainly not aroused. I mean, alright. "There is a girl right there, eating the furniture! Right there!" he exclaimed.

Those present turned their heads to look where Hajime's antenna suddenly pointed, only to find an intact, empty table and not much else. No one was amused. Well, except Akane. Also Nagito tripped and fell into the pool outside. No one cares.

And then Hajime was wearing a gigantic top hat. Now, he was no expert on paranormal activity, but this was definitely starting to look like something along those lines. Hajime and his top hat ran out of the restaurant, past Nagito's drowned corpse (which also spontaneously combusted for some reason) and freaked right the hell out at what he saw. All of the cottages, replaced with giant bags of Doritos and bottles of Mountain Dew. It was the MLGpocalypse, and all of the dubstep in the world wouldn't save Hajime now. Also Nagito's body was picked up by a pterodactly and flown off someplace. In the sky, there was a brief explosion that no one paid any attention to.

That aside, Junko suddenly appeared before the panicking Hajime and took a few steps closer to him, eyes narrowing. She reached out and took his top hat, tossing it aside before tightly grasping his antenna and pulling. Easily, it detached from his head and crumpled up like a salted slug, plunging Hajime into a despair he would never, ever recover from.

And all because Junko wanted to mess around with his head or whatever the plot here was.


	2. junko vs logic pII: despair tendency

Hajime stared at his sandwich. He stared, and stared, and after three hours of standing stock still like an idiot, his prosthetic antenna shot up straight. An idea struck! Hajime leapt into action, for there wasn't a moment to waste! Countless days of work went into this mammoth undertaking, broken up only by short breaks in which Hajime pet Chiaki on the head, because she deserves all the love and affection there is.

All of it. No, shut up, Chiaki deserves this, THIS IS HER TIME.

Anyway, a few months passed and Hajime was finally able to step back and take a look at his masterpiece. A sandwich... with googly eyes stuck on the bread. Finally, Hajime could feel accomplished when he stared into his sandwich. He could stare into another's eyes and understand, 'everything is going to be okay'. But then the skies began to sour and the ground rumbled with great ferocity, knocking Hajime flat onto his ass.

Chiaki left the scene on a giant fluffy pillow for now.

AND THEN, Junko arrived and slapped the sandwich several thousand miles into the distance while Hajime stared on in absolute horror. All he could manage to say was, "Why?"

Junko replied, "This is **Junko Time**."

And then it was Junko Time, which consisted mainly of a line of Junko copies taking turns smacking Hajime on the cheeks for all eternity. Hajime cried on the inside, mourning the loss of his sandwich.

An autopsy later revealed that the sandwich was pregnant.


	3. nagito day

Nagito suddenly woke up after the explosions and whatever else went on because the guy's just like that, and looked around to get his bearings. he seemed to be stuck in the middle of a giant potato field or something. Nagito then launched off into a seven hour spiel about hope while birds pecked at the back of his head, but he managed not to take any damage due to the ridiculous level of good luck he'd accumulated from like two chapters ago.

It was near the end of his spiel that Chiaki and her giant pillow descended upon the scene, and they just kind of awkwardly stared at each other. The kind of awkward stare that is so uncomfortable that it makes completely unrelated parties steer clear to avoid getting involved - even the potatoes rolled the fuck away. Eventually, Chiaki opened her mouth to speak.

"... Nerd."

Nagito collapsed and shattered into billions of pieces, those pieces shattered into even more pieces, and those pieces were used to craft a number of tiny Nagitos which Chiaki allowed to ride on her giant pillow.

Hajime was still getting slapped by Junkos.


	4. too much effort, such despair

I didn't actually expect to get reviews on this thing, but thanks. Even getting input on something silly as this feels nice.

* * *

Big Junkos, little Junkos, Junkos with silly hats and ties, various Junko personas - even a Mukuro or two mixed in. This is all Hajime saw for days straight amidst the unending torrent of slaps against his cheeks. It was torture, pure and simple. Junko time was absolute hell, and he had no good way to get out of it. It was at that very moment that the ground began to quake under the footsteps of a massive, ten meter tall Junko in a top hat. As Hajime stared upward at the giant girl, it didn't take him very long at all to piece together that he was definitely going to die here.

BUT, Chiaki and her giant pillow suddenly arrived on the scene with an army of tiny Nagitos, referred to from here on as Chibitos for reasons mildly related to a golden pig. The Chibitos floated into the air and did random somersaults into position, forming what could vaguely be passed off as a humanoid shape. Chiaki and her pillow landed at the top and the entire structure expanded in size and transformed, becoming a giant, pillow and hope-themed robot. The giant Junko slapped the robot with an open hand and it exploded into pieces.

"Well, that happened." one of the regular sized Junkos shrugged, then went back to slapping Hajime's cheeks. Junko Time would continue... for now. In the shadows, Chiaki got hard to work coming up with a good plan to stop the despairing menace.


End file.
